Great Craigslist Tools to Save You Time!

There are two extremely useful tools I’ve found recently.  One is Padmapper.  If you are looking to rent an apartment in a competitive area, this is incredibly useful.  I was just apartment shopping in Berkeley, where the sorts of places I’m looking for are typically rented out very quickly after they’re listed.   So I saw the listing an hour after it was posted thanks to the email alert, set up the viewing appointment for the next day, and then was told that I had the lease on the following day!

 

Being inspired by how useful padmapper is, I searched for a craigslist app that alerts you by email whenever a listing is posted.  I tried a few that didn’t work, but Notifinder is great.

 

My spiffy new apartment is going to be furnished with the perfect furniture in short order.   I hope these services help you too!

 

Shannon Friedman

Freedom from Internal Conflict

 

Productivity Web Tools

As I’ve been becoming busier, I’ve started needing to implement more complex strategies and automate more to keep on top of what I need to get done.  There’s a lot involved in running a small business!

 

The tool that I’ve been relying on the longest is Google Calendar.  I started using that when I was a piano teacher many years ago and juggling fifteen students/week.  It changed my life to be able to schedule events on a live online calendar.  With Google Calendar I was easily able to see the layout of my clients for the week.  I was able to tell people what times I had available at a glance.  I was able to schedule recurring events, such as weekly lessons, and I was able to send my clients invites, and I was able to send myself reminders.   Getting email reminders was vital with my busy schedule.  It is even more vital for me these days.  I don’t think I could keep the schedule I have without it.

 

I now keep several calendars – my main calendar where I schedule the events I am attending, my calendar that tells me what times I’ve blocked off for potentially scheduling clients, my calendar that is a placeholder so that I don’t schedule recurring events when I have another event coming up in the future, the calendar I share with my housemates about friends visiting, the calendar I share with my co-parent about the kids, etc.   My friends and clients share their calendars with me, so that I can schedule things with them when they are available.

 

This system worked fabulously for me for many years.  However, as of these past few months, it has not been enough to keep me organized.  I have recently been getting several clients at once who need to schedule appointments for consultations, sample sessions, and recurring sessions.

 

Initially I had been manually looking through my calendar and figuring out when to offer each person every time someone new contacted me, and offering times that aren’t overlapping with times that I’ve offered other people.  Doing that is complicated and time consuming.  So I’ve started using Time Trade.   Time trade is wonderful.  I enter all of the times I’m available once, and any client can pick from any time.  This saves me a lot of time, not having to do the same task over and over.  It also allows me to present my clients and potential clients with a much wider range of available options, since I can offer the same times and days to multiple clients without running into an awkward situation where both sign up for the same time.

 

Additionally, I’ve found my Time Trade calendar great for scheduling coffee dates and other events with friends!  I’ve gotten very spoiled now.  Whenever a friend wants to get together, I just send them a link to my Time Trade calendar.  I no longer have to repeatedly calculate when I’m free!   It also automatically sends reminders to both myself and my clients/friends, and integrates with my Google Calendar, putting not only the time of the appointment, but also all of the information entered by the person making the appointment, including their phone number and email address.

 

There are two services I’ve just started using that I’ve liked quite a bit.  One is LetterMeLater, and the other is Google Streak.  Both of these services allow me to schedule emails to be sent later.  This is fabulous.  I primarily use this feature to set reminders for myself and my clients.   I cleared out my entire inbox using these services.  Instead of leaving messages sitting in there indefinitely, I went through and either dealt with them, or archived them and set myself a Streak reminder to look into it later.   The advantage of LetterMeLater is that you can set up recurring reminders with it.  So its really great for clients who are on a regular schedule who want reminders.  I haven’t found a way to schedule recurring events with Time Trade, so LetterMeLater helps me get reminders to my clients who are not scheduling by the week.  Streak has a list of many other features that help small business owners.  I aim to experiment with more of them over the next few weeks.  I created am additional free gmail address that I set to forward automatically to my regular account, which I gave the name of “Reminder,” so now when I send myself reminders, they are very clearly labeled.  I use Gmail Priority Inbox so that I can set the reminder emails to show up at the top of my inbox.  When the reminders come up an I don’t want to deal with them until later, I archive them and send new reminders.

 

Another tool I’ve been using is a Pomodoro timer.  Pomodoro is a technique that helps with Productivity, but encouraging you to work in sprints of 25 minutes of focus and 5 minutes relaxation.  I tried several different pomodoro programs, and eventually ended up settling on Focus Booster.  When I’m having a very hard time focusing, I put on some background music, start the timer, and get to work.  My only problem with the timers I’ve found is that you can’t pause the break so that you can finish the task you’re doing.  If any of you know about a Pomodoro timer that lets you do this, please let me know!

 

One more fun tool that I use is Dual N Back.  Dual N Back is a tool for improving your memory.  Its not nearly as directly related to productivity as the others, but its really great to have a game to play that actually increases your short term memory and fluid intelligence.  I’ve been doing it for several months now, and I’m noticing some differences.  My focus has definitely improved, although I do a lot of practices that might be helping with this, such as Internal Family Systems and meditation.  The Dual N Back specific thing that I noticed recently was that I was able to capture what someone was saying to me in typing while they were talking too fast for me to keep up with – my brain was able to hold the pattern much longer than it would have in the past, and I could tell that it was using the same stack technique that I use to recall the order in Dual N Back.

 

That’s the majority of my new finds for now!  If you know any other web based productivity tools that have changed your life, I strongly encourage you to add them to the comments.

 

Shannon Friedman

Freedom from Internal Conflict

 

Connection, Vulnerability, and Shame – Brene Brown’s Brilliance

A friend just cued me on on the latest Brene Brown video. I enjoyed it quite a bit. Brown is extremely insightful about how important connection is, and how vulnerability and shame play such a huge role in our ability to connect with people and be happy. When I first started practicing Internal Family Systems, I was surprised by how so many peoples problems tied back into shame. People don’t generally come to counseling because of shame, at least they don’t think they do, but really, that’s what’s underneath for so many people. That basic sense, that we’re not good enough, or not worthy enough. I highly recommend having a look at Brown’s videos, and having counseling with us if you feel that you share the difficulties that she describes.

 


Schedule my Free Internal Family Systems Counseling Consultation >>

Get Inspired by Simon Sinek

 

It is my dream that every person in every company and home asks “Why,” in the way that Sinek does.  Make decisions that are driven by what you believe in the world.  Based on what you truly care about.  Do things for yourself, for what you believe.  This is the way to live.  To truly live.  As Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

 

Be the change you want to see in the world.  

 

Make the world a place you really want to be.  Make your life the life you want.  Now.

 

Have the courage to live a life true to yourself, not the life others expected of you.  

 

You might find a part of you saying “its hard, I can’t do it.”  Don’t listen to that part.  Listen to the part that dreams.  That knows.  You are a human being, with arms and legs that move.  If you are reading this blog, you’re probably pretty smart.  You have the resources.

 

Try!

 

Don’t let fear of success or failure stop you.  Most entrepreneurs fail.  Most of them fail over and over again.  Don’t let it keep you down.  When you die, die knowing that you tried.  Die knowing that you are one of the great people in the world, who truly tried as hard as you can.  Who truly did what they could do to make the world a better place.  Let yourself have the possibility of succeeding beyond your wildest dreams.  Enjoy it!  Feel alive!  Feel your hair blowing in the wind on the top of a mountain as you shout, “Yes I CAN!

 

It is my dream to live in a world full of people who are free.  Of people who are truly awake and alive.  To me, that means people living their passion.  If you would like help connecting with your passion and unblocking your resistance that is stopping you, email me, and I will do everything I can to get you moving on the right path.

 

Sincerely,

Shannon Friedman

 Set your passion free.

How your brain’s desire for efficiency can hurt you on standardized tests

Think of a fruit. What’s the first thing that pops into your mind?

Think of a bird. What’s the first thing that pops into your mind?

If you’re like almost all of my students, when I asked for a fruit you thought of an apple. Maybe you thought of a banana or an orange. I very much doubt you thought of an avocado, and I’m even more confident you didn’t think of a miracle fruit.

I don’t know which bird you thought of, but I bet it could fly, that it probably didn’t live in the water, and wasn’t huge. Maybe you said eagle or sparrow. I bet you didn’t say duck, flamingo, or penguin. You very likely thought of a regular bird.

Whether we like it or not, when we prompt our subconscious mind with query, it will reliably spit back the most common, regular, typical, central example of whatever it was you said.

As well it should! Common things are, well, more common than rare ones. Language is for efficient communication too, and if everyone’s brains are collectively spitting back “apple” when we think “fruit”, it helps us coordinate.

We should all say “thank you” to our brains for for being so good at giving us central examples when we query them.

And then we should ask them to do something different on standardized tests.

On the SAT, if a problem says, “x is a number”, our ever-so-helpful brains will spit back numbers like 3, 10, and 50. Not -3, 1/10, or -1/50.

Similarly, if a problem says, “A is a set of numbers whose median is 5”, our brains like to suggest sets like {2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8} and {1, 5, 7}. Less so {-100, -100, -100, 0, 10, 12, 12, 12}.

But the way the problems are written, you won’t necessarily get them right if you just think of all the central, regular examples that are the first thing your brain pops out. You need to be able to see the whole space of possibilities.

Next time you see a standardized test question, remind yourself, “My brain is giving me the robin. I need to think of the penguin too.”

Further reading: Typicality and Asymmetrical Similarity

Top 10 Ways to Change Your Behavior Immediately #10: Actively Recover and Try Again

Suppose you have tried everything above and you still can’t seem to bring yourself to work.  First, I want you to repeat step two and show yourself a little compassion.  Did you do that?  Good.  I’ll bet you’re feeling better already!

So given that you can’t seem to get yourself to work, what should you do instead?  When locked in internal conflict, we will often take some form of default action (a common one these days is to browse the internet).  This form of procrastination rarely feels very fulfilling or regenerative.  This is like a drowning man treading water – you’re not getting any closer to shore!  Instead, recognize that you are refusing to work in that moment, and engage in active recovery.  Make a list of your most fun activities, the things that will leave you feeling the most energized and happy, and commit yourself to enjoying them fully and without reservation for a period of time.  After that time is up, take your renewed energy and good mood and get right back on the horse!  You will undoubtedly have an easier time than you did from a place of unhappy resistance.

Note that sometimes we are legitimately tired – most people in the United States are getting less than 8 hours of sleep a night, and artificial lighting can wreak havoc on our body’s natural circadian rhythm.  When you have a low energy level, everything in life seems harder.  In that case, the best thing you can possibly do for your productivity is to rest!  Employers are starting to realize the importance of napping at work, so if you happen to work for one of those forward thinking companies or for yourself this is an easy solution.  Otherwise, I suggest setting a timer, closing your eyes, and allowing yourself to free associate: do not think of anything in particular or try to hold onto any thoughts (especially about work), let your mind wander undirected.  Afterwards you will feel refreshed and ready to go again.

This concludes my Top 10 Ways to Change Your Behavior Immediately series.  I am sure that you will find one or another of these tips to be helpful – leave a comment or drop me a line and tell me how they worked for you!  Please feel free to pass these along to friends, family, coworkers, or anyone else who you think could use this advice.  And be sure to leave us a note in the comments to tell us what techniques you have come up with, so everyone can share your success!

This is the tenth installment in a series of posts called Top 10 Ways to Change Your Behavior Immediately.

-William Ryan

Change can happen quickly.

What To Do Before You Die #5 – Let Yourself Be Happier

From Bronnie Ware’s regrets of the dying:

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. 

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying. 

 

Being part of Positive Vector has really brought home for me how true this is.  I’ve been on a steady positive incline of increased happiness over the past few years, which has been shooting up more and more dramatically over the past couple of years.

 

There is a lot to happiness.  A lot of it is choice.  Choice about happiness is more complex than I used to think.  Something I’m seeing with my new company is how hard people can try.  I’d had a coaching business before this, and it did not fly.  This time, I’m working with partners, and they work like crazy!  With this energy, I’ve been working really hard too, and things are going extremely well.  I feel engaged and happy, and I have a great appreciation for my partners.  We keep each other’s enthusiasm up.  We share exciting finds, help each other through problems, and keep all of our bases covered.  The personal growth starts at home.  We’re constantly working to help each other grow, be happier and more fulfilled, and to go out and do interesting and exciting things in the world.

 

All of these points Bronnie makes come together for my happiness.  I’m living a life that is true to myself, I do work that I enjoy, my partners and I are extremely open with each other about our feelings, they are my close friends, and I am letting myself be happy.  It has been an interesting journey to get here, I’ve learned a lot.  I’ve overcome years of depression, and have proven to myself that you really can change, especially with help.

 

Becoming happier can be a simple mental technique, it can be Internal Family Systems counseling, it can be hard work, it can be smart work, it can be medicine.  Its important to keep trying.  Shed those layers of bad mental programming to make yourself happy.  Improve your diet to make yourself happy (that’s a big one).  Spend your time with people you find fun, inspirational, relaxing, and make you happy in whatever way works best for you.  You can fully feel with all of your senses the pleasure you have in your life.

 

Bronnie says it best:

 

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

 

This post is part of the series: What to Do Before You Die.

- Shannon Friedman

Find your passion.

Top 10 Ways to Change Your Behavior Immediately #9: Commit to One Minute

The hardest part of any task is getting started – or maybe even before getting started, while you’re still busy worrying about doing the task instead of getting it done!  Luckily inertia works in both directions: once you’re already underway with a project you realize it isn’t nearly as bad as you originally thought.  So the trick here is to overcome that activation cost, to get yourself started working at all.

Fortunately there is a very easy solution to this problem: commit yourself to working for one minute.  How bad could 60 seconds of work possibly be?  The great thing about a one minute commitment is that it is a one minute commitment – if you legitimately find the work you are doing to be that torturous, you have kept your commitment to yourself and you can stop and figure out something else to deal with the problem.  I have rarely seen people object to this level of commitment, but if that feels like too much you can choose an even shorter time period to fit your needs.

Once you have begun working, you will find that the task is rarely as bad as you anticipated.  In fact, you might even find it easier to continue working than to stop abruptly and switch to something else!  I don’t know about you, but I don’t like leaving anything unfinished, so I will persist until the task I am working on is complete.  After you master the art of starting, you can switch to a system like the Pomodoro Technique and commit yourself to working for 25 minutes or more!

This is the ninth installment in a series of posts called Top 10 Ways to Change Your Behavior Immediately.

-William Ryan

Change can happen quickly.

How to Deal With Embarrassment #4 – Taking it as a Signal to Change

4.  How to take embarrassment as a signal and use it to not do the thing again. 

 

When you’re feeling embarrassment and shame, sometimes its because you’re doing something that has a negative consequence.  Sometimes its not the feeling that you need to change!  When you want to use an emotion to change things, its important to use it as a signal.

 

When you start feeling embarrassment about this particular thing, think to yourself “Wait!”  Pause.  Sharpen your senses.  Look around.  Come up with a game plan.  You are going to make changes, so you need to know what you are going to do!  Make your best guess – in an ideal world, how would I respond to this thing I am reacting to?   Try to do that.

 

Check in with yourself to see what your results are.  Does the new thing you’re trying make the situation better?  Will you see incremental progress instantly, or is it something you need to try a few times for it to start working?  Do you expect it to work instantly?   Build as good a model of it ahead of time as you can, and then test it.  Know that you are running an experiment, and that if it doesn’t work, you will take this as data, and you will try something else if it doesn’t work.  Don’t give up.  Don’t just react.  Take conscious control of your life, and your responses.  You have many options.  These are just a few:

 

  • Try your own ideas.
  • Read books for more ideas.
  • Ask friends.
  • Contact us at Positive Vector.

 

I used to feel embarrassed when someone walked into the room and I thought I should be doing work and was instead fooling around.  I didn’t want to be not feeling embarrassed, I wanted to be getting work done!  So now when that happens, I take a deep breath, and I refocus.  I use what I’ve learned from my meditation practice.  When I notice that my mind has drifted, I bring it back to what I want to do, without judgement, just like I would if I was meditating on my breath.  It works remarkably well, much better than shaming myself.   Sometimes embarrassment wakes me up from my drifting thoughts and reminds me that I’m not doing what I want to be doing.  When this happens, I use this wonderful stimulus of embarrassment to help me do what I want to be doing.  It doesn’t always work, I’m human, but it sure is a big improvement.  I am much more productive than I used to be.

 

Click here to return to How to Deal with Embarrassment.

- Shannon Friedman

Set your passion free.

What To Do Before You Die #4 – Stay in Touch With Friends

From Bronnie Ware’s regrets of the dying:

 

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying. 

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships. 

 

Friendships are so important to humans.  We’re social beings.  In the ancestral environment we were in tribes, where we’d see the same small group of people all the time.  Its the sort of thing that we have lost in modern society.  Work tends to be transitional, without people staying at a place with lasting bonds the way we would have in a tribe.  People tend to cocoon into serial monogamous relationships, where they have little interaction with their larger friend groups.

 

Luckily, there are a great many ways in which you can connect to your friends when you set your mind to it.  Our modern society has come up with the modern invention of Skype!  We can now have face time with friends anywhere in the world.  For free!

 

Something I recommend if it is feasible for you is to live in an intentional community, or at least with friends as neighbors.  I’m part of the intentional community of Tortuga.   I love it here.  There are always people around, and yet we have a lot of independence, with our set up of having two four-plex apartment buildings full of friends in their own units.  When I go through hard times, it helps me relax to know that these people are here for me.  We take pleasure in each other’s successes, and know that we can trust and count on each other.  If you are interested in intentional communities, I recommend checking out resources like the Intentional Communities website.  

 

More conventionally, you can simply make time to visit the friends you have, and create new and lasting friendships.  Its worth it to put in that extra effort to get that extra reward.  That human connection makes life so much better.  If you’d like help brainstorming personalized ideas for how to find friends in your situation, sign up for the free 30 minute consultation with Positive Vector and it will be our pleasure to help you out!

 

This post is part of the series: What to Do Before You Die.

-Shannon Friedman

Find your passion.