IFS Counseling with Positive Vector

Dear Person-who-is-made-of parts,

Walt Whitman once said: “Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.”

I’m imagining that something in the quotation resonates with you. Have you ever met a human being who was always consistent?

And, if you’ve found your way to this page, my guess is that something about the Positive Vector approach to personal growth makes sense to you as well. You’re starting to see that what we offer is different from traditional therapy and self-help techniques—it’s powerfully experiential, creative, surprising, and often fun.

Frankly, the best way for you to find out if our approach fits with your values is to experience a free thirty-minute consultation with one of our IFS counselors. We’re offering our time for a consultation because we know that what we do is hard to explain but easy to demonstrate. You can read the written material on our website about IFS, but a one-on-one consultation is by far the fastest way to understand what we do.

Before explaining more about what we do, I have an important request:

Please read the statements below and ask yourself if any of them sounds like you. Ask yourself, “Do I do that, or feel that way?”

• You often find yourself thinking, “Part of me wants X, but part of me wants Y”
• You feel stuck because it seems as though you’re being pulled in multiple directions at the same time
• You’re sure about what you should do, but you “just can’t” get yourself to act
• You see yourself acting out the same destructive pattern over and over again (i.e. lying awake at night worrying instead of going to sleep)
• You’re happy, but want to overcome emotional blocks to becoming the more sort of person you want to be

If you answered “yes” to any of the questions above, I want you to know that I wrote each of the statements because I used to be like that.

I remember how it used to feel. I would do something, or not do something, and then feel torn up inside because I couldn’t figure out what was right or why I was acting how I was acting. My “rational” analytical brain knew that I’m decided X was the best course of action, but I wasn’t consistently executing it. I remember the confusion and frustration of looking at my behavior and asking myself: “Why?” In a moment of anger or sadness I would withdraw from the people I loved most, only to look back and wonder, “What was I thinking?” I spent most of my life in a muddle, with no idea how to unravel the different knots in my head.

I wouldn’t have been able to name the fear at the time, but I was terrified that I would never be able to show other people my truest self—I believed I had to hide and repress the “bad” parts of me in order to interact with others.

Then I found the missing manual for my brain.

My internal confusion began to clear up when I shifted my mindset from deciding which part of myself was “right”—was seeing the situation accurately, to listening to each of my concerns one-by-one. I engaged in honest introspection for the first time in my life, and I found that it was possible to get to the bottom of my feelings and understand what it was that I needed that I wasn’t getting.

IFS counseling starts with the belief that every part of your mind has some positive intent for you. Your truth is inside you, waiting to be discovered, if you only dare ask for it. Society conditions us to discount many of our perceptions. When you stop and really look at what’s there, answers will present themselves.

Suffering happens when you you’re fighting with yourself—when one part is resisting what another part is trying to accomplish. By turning your attention to each voice in turn and hearing it out, so that it has fully and clearly communicated what it needs you to know, you will reliably resolve suffering.

Most self-help methods tell you to resist certain impulses, or to spend your time analyzing and optimizing what you do. There’s nothing wrong with such approaches. When they work for you, great! But sometimes, more self-judgment and will power aren’t what we need to change. Sometimes, we need to listen to the data that our brain is yelling at us to pay attention to! I’ve consumed books upon books of self-help solutions over the years, and to be honest, they worked pretty well. But it felt like something was missing, something that was preventing me from following through on the advice I believed would work.

Discovering IFS was a huge relief, as you might imagine. I had my missing piece. When my brain and I weren’t on the same page, I knew what questions to ask to begin trusting and cooperating with myself.

I still have moods, and I still feel conflicted sometimes, but now I know I have a strong core Self whose wisdom and compassion I can call on when I need it. By learning to talk to my parts, I have transformed my life. I learned to become at home in my own skin, to trust my judgment, and to truly understand that when other people are being angry or hurtful, it’s always because they’re trying to protect themselves from pain. Now I’m with the man of my dreams, who loves me because I’ve learned to love myself, I’m setting and achieving goals, and I’m working for myself to develop the career I’ve always wanted.

Every day, I meet people who are resisting their emotions and fighting against their beliefs. People who can’t understand themselves or other people and are suffering because of it. And I’m happy to inform you that there exists a system you can use to increase your agency and become more of the person you are meant to be that has nothing to do with willpower and everything to do with self-compassion.

IFS Counseling with Positive Vector involves:

• Almost no time spent on self-analysis—if you’re like most of our clients, you do enough of that already
• Respecting your “defenses”—the natural protective systems in your mind that safeguard your sense of self
• Fully accepting every emotion, thought, or behavior pattern you have, no matter how seemingly destructive
• Looking at yourself with curiosity instead of trying to change who you are

How do we do it?

Practicing IFS is learning to speak your own language. When you do so, insights and motivation will click into place on their own.

When learning the IFS process with one of our experienced counselors, you will often find yourself saying “Huh”, or “Interesting, I didn’t realize that about myself”. It’s surprising and fun. You get to take full advantage of your creativity to empathize with your parts so that they move from hurt to playful. The work can be cathartic, and afterwards you’ll feel a knot of mental tension unraveling and relaxing.

IFS work lasts exactly because we don’t try to force anything. Ever think you’ve turned the corner on a problematic habit only to find it return a week or a month later? With IFS, we’ve gotten permission from every part of yourself to make changes, so they stick.

The Positive Vector team has tried dozens of personal growth approaches, and found value in almost every one. But we keep coming back to IFS as the most powerful tool we have for attaining clarity, processing our emotions, and cultivating inner peace.

It works for us, and now we are sharing the IFS process with others so they can be free to enjoy themselves, without standing in their own way.

If you’d like to get a sense of what we’re talking about when we describe the IFS process and see how you can achieve lasting self-compassion and growth, the best way to get started is with a free one-on-one consolation with one of our team. We can get you on the schedule and show you what we have to offer.

I know what it’s like to feel conflicted and to lose track of yourself, and I know how you can stop suffering. If you’re ready to gently look inside and untangle your suffering, we can help.

By the time you’re done with your free consultation, you:

• Will have talked to at least one, likely several, protective parts of your psyche
• Will understand the distinction between run-of-the-mill self reflection and honest, curiosity-driven introspection, and see how they give different results
• Will have expressed gratitude to a part of yourself you usually push away
• Know what it’s like to step from one perspective into another, and what a difference it makes to consciously do so
• Will come away well-informed about the IFS process, what IFS counseling involves, and why it will work for you, even if you’ve had trouble changing in the past

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“I felt like my brain had been massaged.”

Stephanie M.,  Programmer,  Mountain View

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We are excited to begin the journey towards inner peace and fulfillment with you.

We’re all getting busier and busier, so we may not be offering this free consultation for long.

Not sure whether to sign up? Part of you thinks you should, but part of you thinks…

I guess you see where I’m going with that :–).

Think of how many minutes each day you spend judging yourself, fighting with yourself, and wishing you were different. Think of what it would be like to have a reliable system for sorting out what’s going on in your head.

Let this free consultation be the first step towards a more open and spacious way of relating to yourself.

Our free consultations do not require your credit card information and are 100% risk-free. We want you to understand what we do, that’s why we offer them.

Give us a try and see whether you find the approach you’ve been waiting for.

Check in with your parts right now. Ask them what they would like you to try.

We can see you in person or work with you over Skype, so you don’t even have to leave your computer.

I look forward to hearing from you.

With curiosity and compassion,

Divia and the Positive Vector Team

         

P.S. Every day the work I do amazes me. Our clients let go of burdens they’ve been carrying ever since early childhood and they see the whole world in a different light. They feel buoyant, younger, and more joyful. They accept themselves. Schedule a session now to see yourself in a new way!