3.  How to learn how to not be embarrassed and/or to calm down quickly when you are embarrassed.

Learning to not be embarrassed is a fabulous trick.  For me, this takes empathizing with the human condition.  We are all the same in so many ways.  I used to write a personal blog where I talked about experiences I found very personal and was worried that people would judge me for, because I know other people feel that way too, and I want them to know that they’re not alone.  It can help to read blogs, biographies, and other personal writings from people who talk about their personal stories, so that you can see that other people go through what you are going through.  If you share intimate stories with friends you can trust, they will usually tell you similar stories that they would find embarrassing.  When you share stories like that, you will find them less embarrassing, when they are received with understanding and compassion.

I used to feel so ashamed about not being as great a mother as I wanted to be.  My little secret was that I wasn’t as responsive to my son as I thought I should be.  I felt a dull pain in my chest whenever I thought about it.  I had a little voice in my head telling me that if anyone ever found out, that they’d think I was a terrible person and never want to talk to me again.  Then I started reading other mothers’ stories!  I learned that most mothers feel at some point or other that they aren’t as good at mothering as they think they should be.  Now when I feel that shame and embarrassment start to come up, I remind myself that this is a part of the human condition, and that I am not bad or wrong or even unusual in the places where I want to improve.  Knowing that there are people out there with the same feelings of shame that I have about the same sort of things helps me feel less embarrassed.  I just think of myself as human, and not only do I feel less embarrassed, I also have more energy to address the underlying issue that I had embarrassment and shame about!

Another way to reason with your embarrassment is to confront it head on.  Think about what you did that part of your mind is telling you that you should be embarrassed about.  Consider it as though someone else was telling you “you should be embarrassed about this.”  Think or write your responses to this person.  Continue defending yourself in the way you would defend your best friend, until you see the flaws in this embarrassment part’s arguments.  If you’re getting stuck working through this process yourself, we’re happy to help you at Positive Vector, or you can contact your local cognitive behavioral therapist.

Click here to return to How to Deal with Embarrassment.

- Shannon Friedman

Find your passion.