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How to Change Your Mind #3. Listen to Your Story.

December 3, 2011 By 1 Comment

You might find yourself telling yourself that you should just suck it up, and just do it.  And yet you don’t.  This means that there is some part of you that doesn’t want to do it.  Ignoring this part and telling it that its wrong hasn’t been working for you.  That’s what you’ve been doing for all of this time, and it hasn’t been working, right?  

Sometimes what will work, is to listen to what that part that says you don’t want to do it has to say.  You probably don’t want to listen to it.  You might resent, or even hate that part.  But it is controlling you, and if you want it to stop controlling you, you need to get its cooperation.  

The first step to gaining this part’s cooperation is to listen to it.  Ask it to tell you its story.  Ask it how what its doing is helping you, from its perspective.  Internal Family Systems facilitation can help with this.  Email contact@positivevector.com for more information. 

When you ask this part to tell you its story, try to listen as sympathetically as you can.  Try to understand what its like from this part’s point of view, when it feels the rest of you trying to shut it down telling it that its bad and should be shut down and made to go away.  Let it know that you truly want to hear it, completely.  

Once this part is heard, you may feel some release.  It won’t feel like its message to you is as urgent as it did before it felt heard.  

To complete the process of really changing yourself through listening to this part, go through the sequence of Internal Family Systems, where you learn to guide this part into helping you in more effective ways.  

 

-Shannon Friedman

 

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How to Change Your Mind #2. Learn Lessons From Things You Like.

November 28, 2011 By Leave a Comment

As a coach, I often go through a formula with clients of looking at problems in new ways.  My favorite way to help the client see things in a new way is to look at totally unrelated things, find the qualities they like about these things, and then look at their problem through the lens of these things that they like.  

For example, perhaps my client’s problem is motivation to complete a paper for school, and my client’s favorite color is red.  I will ask them what defines the color of red for them.  They might say “red is the color of fire, I like the warmth, excitement, and bright light that comes from fire.”  

I will then ask them to look at completing this paper through the lens of fire, warmth, and excitement.  Some people will be totally baffled by this and we’ll have to find another way in, and, for some people, this will really light up the possibilities for them!  This red warmth will inspire them to seek out ways in which they can generate that sort of warmth for themselves while working on this paper.  Perhaps they will realize that co-working with a friend will make them happier.  Or drinking a cup of tea will warm them up inside and make the process easier.  

The point is that random association, especially with things you like, can generate different ways of looking at things, that can unstick you from your regular thought patterns and help you generate ideas and perspectives that make it easier to move forward.  

-Shannon Friedman

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How to Change Your Mind #1. Change Your Body.

November 26, 2011 By Leave a Comment

You know how sometimes you get really stressed out, and you clench your jaw?  Or maybe you furrow your brow?  Can you recall times when you were nervous and your heart was racing?   

Your body and mind are connected.  Perhaps in more ways than you realize.  If you want to stop clenching your jaw, you can consciously unclench it.  Or you can get a bite guard and wear it at night to physically prevent yourself from clenching your jaw.  You use your mind to create tricks to get your body to do what you want it to do.  Similarly, you can use your body to create tricks to get your mind to do what you want it to do.  

A simple example of a way to use your body to get your mind to unclench is what in coaching we call “geography.”  It means using the orientation of your body to change the orientation of your mind.  For example, what are you looking at right now?  Probably your computer screen.  Now take a moment, and think about what you really want to do in life while looking at your computer screen.  Next, take a couple of minutes and meditate about the same thing, with your eyes closed, turned 180 degrees from your computer screen with your head tilted up.  

Did you notice any differences?  You might have, you might not.  Some people will instantly notice relaxation in their eyes and face, and loosening in their chest.  For other people it takes more.   Play with it!  Try moving your body in different ways.  Try standing up, laying down, focusing your eyes, relaxing your eyes, sitting in different rooms, and just notice the different ways you feel and think when pondering the same topic.  Try tightening your muscles, loosening your muscles, you get the idea.  

By changing the geography of your body, you can influence your mind to see things in different ways, which can help you get unstuck mentally.  It can bring you new perspectives, new ideas, and much needed relaxation.

 

-Shannon Friedman

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