From Bronnie Ware’s regrets of the dying:

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying. 

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships. 

Friendships are so important to humans.  We’re social beings.  In the ancestral environment we were in tribes, where we’d see the same small group of people all the time.  Its the sort of thing that we have lost in modern society.  Work tends to be transitional, without people staying at a place with lasting bonds the way we would have in a tribe.  People tend to cocoon into serial monogamous relationships, where they have little interaction with their larger friend groups.

Luckily, there are a great many ways in which you can connect to your friends when you set your mind to it.  Our modern society has come up with the modern invention of Skype!  We can now have face time with friends anywhere in the world.  For free!

Something I recommend if it is feasible for you is to live in an intentional community, or at least with friends as neighbors.  I’m part of the intentional community of Tortuga.   I love it here.  There are always people around, and yet we have a lot of independence, with our set up of having two four-plex apartment buildings full of friends in their own units.  When I go through hard times, it helps me relax to know that these people are here for me.  We take pleasure in each other’s successes, and know that we can trust and count on each other.  If you are interested in intentional communities, I recommend checking out resources like the Intentional Communities website.  

More conventionally, you can simply make time to visit the friends you have, and create new and lasting friendships.  Its worth it to put in that extra effort to get that extra reward.  That human connection makes life so much better.  If you’d like help brainstorming personalized ideas for how to find friends in your situation, sign up for the free 30 minute consultation with Positive Vector and it will be our pleasure to help you out!

This post is part of the series: What to Do Before You Die.

-Shannon Friedman

Find your passion.